Managing the Holidays as Divorced Parents: Tips to Avoid Conflict and Stress
The holidays are here. For many families, they’re a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. But for parents navigating divorce, separation, or co-parenting, the season can bring stress, tension, and high expectations.
At Indigo Family Law, we’re often asked: “How should divorced parents handle the holidays?” Our answer is simple but essential: you can’t “win” the holidays.
Why “Winning” the Holidays Doesn’t Work
It’s natural to want your children to have the best holiday experience, but trying to outdo your co-parent—whether through lavish gifts, elaborate parties, or being “the fun parent”—almost always backfires. The more you try to “win” your child’s affection or make the other parent look bad, the more it can create long-term tension, resentment, and emotional challenges for everyone involved.
Even the best intentions can go wrong. Holidays tend to amplify family dynamics: extended family members may be present, schedules can get complicated, and children split time between households. Add the pressure of gifts and expectations, and what starts as a joyful season can quickly turn into a high-stakes game.
Tips for Healthy Holiday Co-Parenting
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Focus on Your Kids, Not Your Ex
Remember, the goal isn’t to “beat” the other parent. Children are more resilient when they see both parents working together respectfully. Avoid using gifts or experiences as a way to compete. -
Set Realistic Expectations
Talk to your children about holiday plans in advance. Be clear about what is possible and avoid promising anything you can’t deliver. -
Communicate and Coordinate
Share schedules, gift plans, and holiday traditions with your co-parent to minimize surprises and tension. The more predictable the plan, the less stress for your children. -
Prioritize Emotional Presence
Your attention, patience, and presence matter more than presents. Creating calm, memorable experiences without unnecessary competition leaves children with positive memories of the season. -
Stay Flexible
Things don’t always go according to plan. Flexibility and a focus on cooperation can prevent minor setbacks from escalating into conflict.
The Bottom Line
Trying to “win” the holidays is a losing game. Kids notice when parents are competing and it can create lasting resentment—for the children and between parents. Instead, focus on cooperation, communication, and creating a warm, stable environment.
By approaching the season thoughtfully, divorced and separated parents can enjoy the holidays while giving their children the best gift of all: a sense of security, love, and family—no matter the circumstances.