Divorce is not high on anyone’s list of great things. No one enters into marriage planning for a divorce a few years down the line.
But if you are facing this significant life event, know that you are not alone.
Over 800,000 people get divorced each year in the US.
Many of them have, by necessity, learned how to reinvent themselves properly, and define a new normal, and you can too!
Here are some great tips for starting over after divorce.
Permit Yourself to Grieve
Divorce is different than losing a spouse to death. However, even if you wanted the divorce, you may find yourself experiencing feelings of grief.
This feeling is normal, and you need to permit yourself to grieve. No person has died, but the death of an intimate relationship often feels very similar.
You have to let yourself feel and sort through those feelings. Do not dwell on the past or what you should or should not have done. But do recognize how you feel and allow yourself to work through that.
You may wish to spend a few sessions with a counselor. Remember, this does not mean that you have a problem, it is merely a healthy way of dealing with how you feel.
Learn to Be Alone
We do not expect that you should be anti-social and cut yourself off from the world. Instead, do not be in a rush to enter another relationship.
Some people are hasty to jump into a new relationship immediately after their marriage dissolves. This search for partnership may not be a good idea. You need to give yourself time to learn to be alone.
You need time to figure out who you are as a single person. It is a strange feeling going from being a ‘we’ to a ‘me.’ You need time to process that.
It is okay to date casually, a good idea even to have fun and relax. But do not get too serious too soon.
The advantage of being alone is that you have the chance to figure out who you are without the constraints of a relationship. Try a new hobby, learn a new skill, take that dream vacation you have always wanted to go on.
Maybe you have secretly wanted to go back to school or take a few courses to further your career. Now is the perfect time to do that!
Embrace Your New Life and Have Fun
Permit yourself to enjoy life. Sometimes after a divorce, people feel guilty for feeling free. Or perhaps they spend a lot of time shrouded in regrets or thinking about the past.
Do not get caught up in that trap. Learn from your mistakes and try not to make the same ones again. But then move on. Focus instead on the road in front of you and the many positives about your situation.
Starting Over After Divorce Doesn’t Have to Be Hard
When the divorce papers are signed, and all is said and done, starting over after divorce can seem intimidating. But if you view it as an opportunity to embrace a new you this fresh start does not have to be scary.
If you are still in the midst of your divorce, you will need help getting all the legalities taken care of. Feel free to contact us to help you settle things and start working towards your new life.