Starting Over After Divorce: How to Properly Reinvent Yourself

Divorce is not high on anyone’s list of great things. No one enters into marriage planning for a divorce a few years down the line. 

But if you are facing this significant life event, know that you are not alone.

Over 800,000 people get divorced each year in the US.

Many of them have, by necessity, learned how to reinvent themselves properly, and define a new normal, and you can too!

Here are some great tips for starting over after divorce.

Permit Yourself to Grieve

Divorce is different than losing a spouse to death. However, even if you wanted the divorce, you may find yourself experiencing feelings of grief.

This feeling is normal, and you need to permit yourself to grieve. No person has died, but the death of an intimate relationship often feels very similar. 

You have to let yourself feel and sort through those feelings. Do not dwell on the past or what you should or should not have done. But do recognize how you feel and allow yourself to work through that. 

You may wish to spend a few sessions with a counselor. Remember, this does not mean that you have a problem, it is merely a healthy way of dealing with how you feel.

Learn to Be Alone

We do not expect that you should be anti-social and cut yourself off from the world. Instead, do not be in a rush to enter another relationship.

Some people are hasty to jump into a new relationship immediately after their marriage dissolves. This search for partnership may not be a good idea. You need to give yourself time to learn to be alone.

You need time to figure out who you are as a single person. It is a strange feeling going from being a ‘we’ to a ‘me.’ You need time to process that. 

It is okay to date casually, a good idea even to have fun and relax. But do not get too serious too soon.

Discover Yourself

The advantage of being alone is that you have the chance to figure out who you are without the constraints of a relationship. Try a new hobby, learn a new skill, take that dream vacation you have always wanted to go on. 

Maybe you have secretly wanted to go back to school or take a few courses to further your career. Now is the perfect time to do that!

Embrace Your New Life and Have Fun

Permit yourself to enjoy life. Sometimes after a divorce, people feel guilty for feeling free. Or perhaps they spend a lot of time shrouded in regrets or thinking about the past.

Do not get caught up in that trap. Learn from your mistakes and try not to make the same ones again. But then move on. Focus instead on the road in front of you and the many positives about your situation.

Starting Over After Divorce Doesn’t Have to Be Hard

When the divorce papers are signed, and all is said and done, starting over after divorce can seem intimidating. But if you view it as an opportunity to embrace a new you this fresh start does not have to be scary. 

If you are still in the midst of your divorce, you will need help getting all the legalities taken care of. Feel free to contact us to help you settle things and start working towards your new life. 

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5 Important Things to Bring to a Divorce Consultation

Nearly 50% of all marriages end in divorce.

Perhaps one of the ways you can view this shocking statistic is that if you’re going through a divorce yourself, you are not alone in your experience!

Still, knowing that you are not a trailblazer does not make the process any more comfortable for most, especially when there is no “rulebook” or “guide” to walk you through the process (there are lawyers though..)

When we start talking about bringing lawyers into your divorce discussions, we want to make sure you have a baseline understanding of what to ask (us or others).

We’ve put together a quick list of essential things to bring with you to any consultation.

Read on.

1. Bring A List of Prepared Questions 

Going through a divorce is an emotional process, but don’t let yourself mistake a divorce consultation for a therapy session. Remember, this is a time to ask legal questions and get answers you cannot find from other people.

Before you head to your divorce consultation, write down at least five questions on a piece of paper or your phone. These might vary based on your situation, but they can include asking about the lawyer’s experience, how much they charge, and what you can expect.

Do not make the mistake of “remembering them in your head.” Odds are you will get caught up in the consultation and forget at least one of your questions.

2. Bring Real Estate Information to Your Divorce Consultation

Make sure you bring along any information about the property you and your partner own. You’ll want to grab things like your escrow papers, mortgage statements, and deeds.

Do this for every property you have owned together. That includes properties you owned in the past, even if you are not currently living there.

3. Bring Relevant Legal Documents to Your Divorce Consultation

Throughout the length of your marriage, you might have gathered a large amount of legal paperwork. You should bring as many of these relevant documents as you can remember.

The most important documents include the following:

  • Separation agreements
  • Social security cards, passports, and other identifying information for you and your children
  • Your children’s birth certificates
  • Prenuptial agreements
  • Any other documents from legal proceedings regarding your partner or children

Reviewing these legal documents will allow your lawyer to better understand your situation during the divorce. They will also help your lawyer construct an estimated timeline of the divorce proceedings.

4. Bring Pay Stubs and Tax Returns to Your Divorce Consultation

Your lawyer will want to know how much money you and your spouse make for the household. To give them a good idea of how your income breaks out, bring the three most recent paystubs from both you and your partner if possible.

You should also bring your most recent tax returns as well. These returns will give your lawyer a better idea of the annual income. 

If you have to choose one of these due to discretion or lack of being able to locate them, pick the tax returns.

5. Bring Incriminating Evidence (If You Have It) to Your Divorce Consultation

You might not have any incriminating evidence, but if you do, make sure you bring it along. This evidence might include photos, videos, notes/messages, or social media posts relating to the divorce. This evidence might be proof of things like cheating or abuse.

Getting a Divorce Consultation

Make sure you go into your divorce consultation with an open mind. You might want to get certain things out of the divorce, but you might not get them all. Instead, make sure you listen to your lawyer’s expert advice.

Are you in the middle of a painful divorce?

Make sure you check out some of our legal services and see how we can help you.

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Divorce Planning: What You Can Do to Prepare for a Divorce

The good news is, divorce rates aren’t as high as they used to be. The bad news is, divorce is still happening.

Divorce is never an easy thing, whether both parties are peacefully agreeing to it or not. One of the most complicated parts about divorce is that it can not only affect the two spouses, but it also has an effect on children and other close members of the family.

When you are in a marriage but preparing for a divorce, there are a handful of steps to take to make the process a little easier on everyone. There are things you can do to help the legal, financial, and mental processing.

Keep reading to discover ways to prepare in the midst of divorce planning. There’s sure to be something to help you along the way.

Mentally Prepare for Divorce

It’s no surprise divorce planning can take a toll on your mental health. You worry about law processes, splitting assets, and leaving someone who used to be your best friend.

One of the best ways to prepare is to put yourself in a good mental space. Look into seeing a therapist a few times a month. Talk out your frustrations to someone who has no bias.

Whenever there are arguments during the divorce process, have a healthy escape or a hobby to turn to. Pick up an old passion or practice learning a new one to get your mind off things for a bit.

Prepare Your Kids for Divorce

Divorce planning is much more stressful if you have children to worry about. No matter how young or old they are, it’s important to support your family through divorce.

While this task seems daunting, it can be as simple as checking in nightly to see how your children’s days went. Make sure to explain to them they are not the cause of the divorce and speak with your spouse to make sure they are also present during times of support.

It’s also likely you will have to reach a custody agreement with your spouse. No matter what custody agreement you choose during the divorce planning, take time to explain the changes to your children and be open to any questions and concerns they have.

Take time to sit down and create a parenting plan with your spouse. If needed, hire a mediator.

Plan Financially for Post-Divorce

One important way to prepare for a divorce is to protect assets before a divorce. Whether this means large pieces of furniture or the plates you bought together, take time to talk it out.

Make sure to also start working through taxes and finances, and open a separate bank account to build up your own savings. Your financial situation may be tough after the divorce so prepare now.

The sooner you start making yourself financially independent, the better. Becoming financially independent will also give you a sense of pride and confidence to help you through the divorce planning.

Divorce Planning Made Easier

To make divorce planning a tad easier on yourself and everyone else, read the tips above. A little help can go a long way.

Make sure to prepare yourself mentally through things like therapy or new passions. Talk with your kids and prepare them for new changes. Lastly, start organizing your finances.

If you have any questions on divorce, adoption, or any other law processes, check out the rest of our site.

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Amicable Divorces: 6 More Tips for Supporting Your Family Through Divorce

Amicable Divorces: 6 More Tips for Supporting Your Family Through Divorce

You do not think you are ever going to get a divorce when you get married. 

Unfortunately, the reality is that 40-50% of couples in the United States do get divorced! 

Many of these couples have children that can be negatively impacted by the process. 

How can you support your family through a divorce? 

Last month we wrote 10 Tips for Supporting Your Family Through Divorce.  It was so popular, we added 6 more!

The best answer is that no matter what the circumstances are, keep it amicable.

Follow Divorce Laws

Above all else, make sure you are following South Carolina divorce laws.  Believe us in this.. it will cause less stress.  Of course, following the laws means knowing the laws.  In this, you should seek to work with a partner (contact us) that will walk you through this challenging time step-by-step.

Try Not To Play the Blame Game In Front of Family

It does not matter who is at fault in the long run.  Blaming your soon to be ex-spouse is not the way to keep your divorce amicable, especially in front of your family.  You can imagine, going at your spouse for their wrongdoings could cause a lot of anxiety if you have children.  If you don’t, you may inadvertently cause your soon to be ex-spouse to dig in their heels and fight you every step of the divorce.

Focus on the long game here.   You’re only going to win in the end by getting separation from a bad situation.

Focus on the Big Picture

Before you go into mediation or start your divorce hearing, make a list of what is important to you – your needs, wants, and what is non-negotiable for you.  Also, think about how you want your parenting plan to be set up.  Remember to pick your battles and not fight over every little thing.  Doing so will cause tension and can draw out the divorce process a lot longer than if you choose what to fight over.

Negotiate Truthfully

When negotiating the terms of your divorce, do not hide assets or lie about your income.  Being completely truthful will help the process and keep tension from rising.  Another reason to be truthful is that in most cases one spouse has more knowledge of the household finances and bills.  This allows both people to know what is happening.  Being truthful helps the divorce to be transparent and can help each of you trust each other which will lead to an amicable divorce.

Put Children First

If you have children, they are the most important people in a divorce.  They need to know that both of their parents will still be there for them, that they love them, and that it is not their fault that this is happening.  You should also make an effort not to speak overly negatively of their other parent.  Do your children need to be brought into your challenges?

Using a mediator can help you when deciding what you both want for your children.  It is important to set up a parenting plan that you both feel comfortable with and that you can agree to co-parent your children even though you will no longer be married.

Divorce is Not War

Getting a divorce does not have to financially or emotionally drain you.  If you truthfully disclose information and documents, have mutual cooperation, and attempt a reasonable compromise, you can have an amicable divorce.

If you are in the process of getting a divorce or are thinking about filing for divorce, contact us today so we can help you!

Do You Need Help With Your Divorce Today?

Yes, This is Stressing Me Out!

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